Mental Health for our Returning Students

 A note about mental health for our children and students:

As schools start back up here in the US, it's natural to talk with our kids and students about the coming scholastic year. What classes are they interested in? Where do they need more credits? Questions about possible extracurricular activities naturally come up, as does the need for clothes, haircuts, and supplies.


One thing I hope comes up in your household or relationships with students is mental health. Now, this isn't about the nuts and bolts 'bullying hurts people, don't do it' sort of stuff I want to address. The kids have been getting those messages for years; most of them since kindergarten. What they are paying attention to, however, is social media. During the last few years, the deluge of online 'therapists' has overwhelmed our kids. They are everywhere: telling them that if you have X habit, you might have Y type parents; or be a 'type'... people pleaser, antisocial, introverted, anxious, abused-- fill in the blank as you see fit, it's rarely positive.


Kids have a lot of language around mental health without the accurate meanings or maturity to understand that this comes with the requirements for actual clinicial diagnoses, discretion, and a knowledge of evidence-based treatment options. Consequently, I've seen recently some social pressure on kids to take on the care and responsibility of the mental health of a friend at the insistence of other friends. While that would usually fall under the umbrella of 'treat others with kindness and respect', what I'm seeing is more insidious.


Teens in crisis are turning to their friend groups instead of the helpers, the adults.; and therein is the problem.


Historically this has always happened, but now it's become more intense. Our kids are still kids. Social media may give them a polish of maturity, but they are ill-equipped to deal with another peer's mental health crisis. They may feel bad for not knowing how to handle it, or powerless to do anything because they are told 'don't tell', and this can cause their own trauma.


What we need to do is continue to gently remind them: "It's okay to tell." That this is beyond their pay grade. That they are good people for caring about their friends, and that this isn't we expect kids to solve for their friends.


Of course, as parents, we would never want our children to cause harm to another parent's child. Loving parents understand our universal desire to protect all children. We need to let our kids know, even before a crisis happens, that they aren't a bad friend if they can't rescue their friends out of hard situtaions. Just as we call in the Coast Guard if a ship at sea needs assistance, we call in the helpers when the kids need help, because we aren't the pros, and we're only going to get in the way.


If a situation arises where your child is worried for a friend, keeping calm and not jumping to conclusions or overreacting is the first step. They have to trust us to be judicious. You can ask questions to ascertain their own level of worry, and ask what they might want to do. You can point out the resources that friend may have: many kids are more open about their mental health or that they see a therapist than previous generations. Reassure them that they are a good friend for telling us what's going on, and that adults are going to help if needed. You will be able to gauge how to respond as your child shares what's most troubling to them with you. Sometimes, these things blow over quickly, and sometimes, this may be a continued part of the friendship. Giving things time and air can help if the situation allows; if not, we adults know what next steps need to be taken.


We want our kids to have the best possible school year. Let's remind them that they matter and that their own mental health comes first. Let's point them toward the helpers, so that they don't have to deal with this on their own, because they shouldn't have to. Like I said, even if they know all the language, it's way beyond their pay grade.