Erm...The Lizzo Thing

     "Mom, what's wrong? You look upset." 

    Blame it on my expressive face, the Kid was on to something. I was quiet at first and kept reading my laptop screen, sure a big frown was forming. He asked again, what is it?

    "Well, from what I'm reading, it seems as though some of Lizzo's dancers have accused her of doing some pretty awful things." I shook my head and sat in a combination of disbelief and disappointment. She was supposed to be OUR girl, our champion, and what I was reading was pretty icky. How I handled this information now was important. My son was looking to me for a response; I was looking for a way to model how we should talk about these sorts of things. 

    "I'm not sure what's true. I don't know enough right now. I'm unsure why she would be accused of those things if she didn't do them, and I'm also unsure why the dancers would lie about it. I don't believe it and I don't not believe it, I guess. I'm just waiting to see what we learn in the future."

    Taking the time to emphasize that I wasn't ready to take any side, that I only had the information I'd just stumbled upon, seemed the right thing to do. To take one side immediately would send the impression that I had knowledge of both what happened and of the persons involved; I am in possession of neither. I'm not going to discredit the claims of Lizzo's former employees out of blind allegiance to the woman who has brought me such joy with her music. 

    People can give both joy and pain, and as it's long been said, we can never truly ever know anyone-- sometimes, even ourselves. All I knew was that impartiality was the position I needed to model for the Kid. It's easy to jump to conclusions when we feel a favorite artist or celebrity is being attacked, it's easy to dismiss the complaints and deny that they could ever have done that thing they did.

 

    We have seen it, ad nauseum. The nasty trials between Johnny Depp and Amber Heard. I'll keep my opinions to myself about those two, but what I found more upsetting during those trials was how people I knew felt comfortable saying some seriously terrible things about the woman in that situation. Someone they had never personally experienced.  It seemed that a lot of people failed to realize that two very fucked-up people could be capable of hurting each other, that there wasn't a monopoly of avarice or dysfunction on either side. It's like we are socially incapable of pausing and saying "I don't really know"; instead, fiercely reacting by taking the side of the more popular person, often unquestioningly. 

    I don't know what's going to happen in this case with Lizzo. I can't even imagine what the outcome will be. But I am going to show our son that keeping an open mind, accepting hard truths-- when they come, and they very well may-- and keeping one's own integrity when these sorts of situations arise is how we do it. Being honest, refusing to be dismissive of accusations or explanations, and accepting the humility that comes in the face of not knowing, which can sometimes make us feel unsure and uneasy. In our world of minute-to-minute information, we are rarely encouraged to sit in The Land of I Don't Know and dwell peacefully there. That said, it's an okay place for me to land and I intend to keep hanging out there, not knowing for now, and being cool with it. 

   Hey... At least, it's REAL.