Each morning I receive an email digest from a parenting forum. You know, the kind where people post questions about their particular situation and then all of humanity chimes in with their two bits. While I think that this is just about the worst way to get quality parenting advice, when a question comes up that I can answer constructively, I try to be supportive and share my ideas or experiences. And I do sometimes read some helpful suggestions from other mothers who care enough to try and help.
But some days, I am just so disgusted. Today a mother, who appeared to be a perfectly nice person, was asking some questions about Cry It Out. While this isn't my method of choice, I could see from the post that it was a relief for this mom to have some separation. She asked for "no CIO haters, please", which to me suggests that she was confident in the choice she had made and just wanted some additional information.
Why can't people read? The debate began almost instantly, and what followed were insinuations and what pretty much amounted to name-calling. People who used CIO were deemed insensitive. People who didn't were called wimps, and accused of raising spoiled kids. This sort of bullshit (naughty word, but that's what it is) really makes the hair on the back of my neck stand straight up. This, all of this, was the opposite of supportive. Not everyone who responded was so judgmental, but a lot of them were.
Ladies, here's a news flash: Wake up! NO ONE is going to parent the exact same way that you do, so get over it already. You have your kids, that other woman has theirs, and I have mine. NONE OF US ARE GOING TO AGREE ENTIRELY ON EVERYTHING. Really, truly, it ain't ever going to happen. (and I don't use the work "ain't" lightly!) Please, let's all decide to be secure in what we are doing and let other mothers do what they need to do. I'm not saying any one way is 100% right or wrong. But I am tired of my friends being given a load of crap because their kid uses a pacifier or wants to be held or expressing their feelings in public. I'm sick of hearing about how mean mothers are to each other. And I want to add one more question before I quit this rant:
What kind of example are we setting for our kids if we are so intolerant of people who do things differently? This is the USA, folks. Some of us would like to think that there's one American Way of doing things, but there isn't. Period. So let's not teach our children to be fearful and derisive when people do things we don't quite understand. Let's hold each up as mothers, respect each other for trying the best we can, and just get on with it.
It's hard enough work as it is. Don'tcha think?