Tuesday, July 29, 2008

Notes from the Teething Front

Anyone listening closely can hear on the wind my ceaseless lament "Damn Teeth! Damn Teeth! Damn Teeth!" sung like a wailing wall mantra. The invasion of molars has been a slow one (I'm kinda wishing for a surge!), and there are backup teeth waiting for action starting to take shape under the gums. If it wasn't for Motrin... well, we just won't go there.

In the wake of our cranky-for-three-months-now-already toddler (it gets better with the drugs, thank heavens!), I've been taking a mental vacation whenever I can. Last night found me loading up TMZ for the first time, horror of horrors. At least dial-up is too slow for the video, or who knows what depths of shlock I would've found myself wading in. Shallow waters, these.

Here are some mindless tidbits and observations that only a mom of a fifteen month old teething kiddo would find interesting:

Semi-Pro: It took us not one, but two attempts --and oh, the late fees-- to watch this, but I laughed so hard. I know this movie is one of those sexist guy movies with limited plot and some really cheap, predictable jokes, but it was such a great use of time on Saturday night. And Sunday afternoon. Will Arnett as the foul-mouthed lush of a sportscaster was excellent. Will Ferrell as Jackie Moon, the One-Hit Wonder of Flint, Michigan is hysterical, and the other guest cameos fill in all sorts of blanks. Yes, the women are more or less marginalized as sex objects or sluts or Funky Black Mama, but frankly, I read my Bitch magazine so I've got points in my favor to balance all that out. Sometimes, a girl just needs to put the thinking on hold for a while.

Balthazar Getty and Sienna Miller:Ewwwww.

New Hot Handbags in US weekly (where I go for all the news, don'cha know?): U-G-L-Y UGLY. And people pay how much for these ugly 80's nostalgia knock-offs? I'd be hiding that fact, folks.Maybe I'm too Portland, used to the beat, cool bags by Queen Bee, or maybe I'm too in love with my new diaper bag, but c'mon girls, demand something better. And the faux gold Tar-jhay knockoffs? Oh, kill me now...

Brad and Angelina Did It In Vitro: Wait, do you see something wrong with that sentence? Kinda like, if they did it in vitro, then they didn't actually "do it", know what I mean. At least, not that time. But I'm sure that they did since they are--

Stars Talking Publicly About Their Sex Life: Listen, Kyra, Angelina, any and all of you-- I don't know you so, please, keep it to yourself. Really. You don't open up the paper and have to hear about what I'm going to do with my guy, right? I don't care how sexy or wonderful or understanding your fella is, call a friend and brag to them. For more of my feelings on this subject, see "Balthazar Getty and Sienna Miller" above.

Okay, have to stop here. Joe's heading out for cribbage at the pub while I watch the wee one here. Why, oh why, can't So You Think You Can Dance be on tonight. Guess I'm stuck with PBS.

And I was trying so hard not to think.

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