Thursday, April 24, 2014

Where We've Been

This morning on the way to school, we found a robin's egg on the ground. It lay in the wet grass, looking sturdy and delicate all at once.

"The egg is a really pretty blue." Kiddo noticed. I told him that this blue was so special that it was known as 'robin's egg blue'. We walked to the school and he meandered around the wet playground, talking to a little friendly face we knew who was chatting it up near the monkey bars. Kiddo lamented that there wasn't much to do; the wet play structure doesn't have much to offer other than injury. We went inside, went our separate ways: Kiddo to his locker and I, to chat with his teacher for a moment, and just as quickly we said goodbye in the doorway.

Kiddo is seven now, and growing in leaps and bounds. The other day, he mentioned that we distract him in his judo class. This is likely true-- he looks to us often to see what's going on, what our feedback is, what he's supposed to be doing. I point back to the instructor and look away, at the instructor. Even making an effort on my part to only partially pay attention to him-- I'm watching other kids, the instructors, making grocery lists or reading-- this is not enough for him. It's hard to honor those requests for growth which exclude us, but I'm also thrilled that he feels confident and comfortable there without us, so Joe and I plan on using that time as 'date time' at the nearby bakery/cafe.

Myself, however, I find myself doing the opposite, not quite stuck, just a little preoccupied. Progress has been quiet for me in some ways.... I have felt less like writing about things, less reflective and more focused in the moment in a new way, a doing way rather than a rehashing, rethinking way. I've been tackling more projects around the house, starting to gain some sort of vision for how we are using space. It's hard. In my past life, I moved about once every two years on average, if not more frequently. So, I spent time culling through stuff once every two years. Now, I have lived here in this sweet house for 12 years and have had that much time to accumulate far too much. I'm waiting for a clear weekend for a good garage sale/Goodwill haul.

It feels like a time of clearing out things, simplifying. One thing I did at the beginning of this year was to start up an alternate blog, which was supposed to be about finding the satisfaction of being a stay at home parent. About finding peace with this role which seems to be portrayed as an extreme in the media: either the SAHM is a saint or she's not living to her full potential. (Yes, we know, fuck that thinking.) In any case, a few months in and no one knew where I'd gone. "You haven't posted in a long time. Everything okay?" one friend asked. Another was more blunt: "Should I even bother checking your blog any more?" Um, yes, please. So, perhaps it's a hat in hand moment to say that I can't sustain two blogs and will likely be importing some of the posts on Blog of the Blessed Mother from earlier this year on over this way.

In the meantime, it feels like a time of movement after a quiet time of stillness. After our cat Gus died, I needed to have some quiet, some space, not start anything else new right away. Between our geriatric cat and a season of Kiddo getting picked on and hurt at school, I had a lot to process. Things have improved at school. We are starting to come out of the cooler quiet of winter and into springtime. Even on this rainy day, I know I'll be sweating on the way back from the school because it's so warm and raincoats don't breathe well...

So, this is where we've been. Our heads busy, taking in the new season, moving forward into what I feel has the potential to be a very positive time for slow, steady growth. Kind of like the pea shoots in the back yard, they are taking their time but gaining ground, soon they will be tall enough to train up some twine and will eventually make some cool, green satiny pods. It's fun to watch them grow~

May your spring be productive as well.

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